British cuisine has always suffered from bad press. The simple homespun fare and plain preparation of most traditional British foods pales when compared to French haute cuisine, and it’s not uncommon for food critics to sound almost apologetic when writing about traditional British dishes as if there were something shameful in enjoying a good, thick joint of beef with an accompaniment of Yorkshire pudding. If they speak in glowing terms of anything at all, it is a nod to the clever naming of British foods, where dishes like bubble and squeak and spotted dick appear on restaurant menus.
And yet, for all the snickering and apologetic references, British cuisine at its best is hearty, delicious, simple fare on which to fuel the nation that influenced the entire world. There is no other nation in the world that does a roast of beef to such perfection, nor any better accompaniment to the succulent meat than a puffed, piping hot Yorkshire pudding prepared in its drippings, and few cuisines have a dessert that can compare with the pure heaven that is a well made trifle or treacle tart.
British cuisine is a blending of the practical with the nutritious. If it is, as some say, unimaginative, that may be because the food itself needs little imagination to fancy it up and make it palatable. It is certainly not because the British mind lacks imagination when it comes to food – the common names for everyday meals sometimes require a translator just so you’ll know what’s on your plate. A walk through a restaurant take-away menu offers such dishes as ‘mushy peas’, steak and kidney pie, fish and chips and bangers and mash.
There are well-known British dishes for eating at each meal. Some of the most popular include:
Breakfast:
A full English country breakfast includes meat, eggs, pancakes or toast and side dishes like hash and bangers and mash. It’s hearty fare, the sort that is set on the table for dinner in most other cultures. It often includes leftovers from last night’s dinner, diced and fried together with seasonings and butter, sometimes called country hash.
Tea:
The tradition of mid-afternoon tea is one that’s been observed by the British for centuries. Among the most common dishes served at mid-afternoon tea are finger-foods like crumpets with jam and clotted cream, dainty watercress sandwiches and scones with raisins or dried fruits.
Sunday Dinner:
The Sunday dinner has a long tradition as being a family occasion – the one meal of the week at which all family members gathered. A roast joint of meat – beef, lamb, pork or chicken – is nearly a requirement, and it is served with a potato and vegetable, and very often accompanied by Yorkshire pudding.
Puddings and custards feature prominently in British cuisine. Baked, boiled or steamed, puddings are usually made with suet and breading, and studded with dried fruits and nuts. One of the most popular and delightful British desserts is the trifle, and there are nearly as many variations as there are cooks. The base is a sponge cake, often left over from another meal. Soaked in Madeira or port, it is layered in a dish with custard, jam, fruits and Jell-O and topped with whipped cream. The end result is a delicious m̩lange that is features all that is good about British cookery Рplain, practical cooking that is meant to fill the belly and satisfy the taste buds.
Wednesday, 3 March 2010
Tuesday, 2 March 2010
Make money quickly
Where ever you are presently in your life you can begin to make large amounts of money very fast if you understand a few simple principles. Despite what anyone may tell you these principles of generating money fast do work.
These principles are not difficult but in order to understand them you must process them. You must take the time to give them some thought, until the thought becomes a part of your very being.
How to make money fast is one of the hot topics on everyone’s mind. Most people will tell you that claims of making fast money is a hokes. Those are the very people who believe that only hard work and struggle can create money. However despite the hard work, the concept of fast money is still not part of the equation. After all if you are working very hard you are unlikely to be making the sort of fast money that you would dream of.
I can tell you from first hand experience that fast money does not come through hard work. If you are marketing your business or interested in accumulating more money struggling will only kill your changes of getting money in a fast and easily way.
--The First Step--
The first think you need in order to make fast money is to have a clear goal. How much do you want? You would be so surprise at how many people want more money but don’t have a clear idea as to how much they want.
Without a clear goal your desire is just a wish, it is not concrete. Be specific about how much money you want and by when you would like to have it.
--The Second Step—
The very next step is to take inspired action. Inspired action comes from the universe as a nudge. It’s the perfect idea, job or business that will help you in getting your goal accomplished.
It makes no sense trying to do something that your neighbor or your coworker tried. What is an ideal opportunity to make fast money for them may not be ideal for you. Besides your goals are unique and the opportunities that are rightfully aligned for you are rightfully suited for you to reach your goal in the time that you desire.
--The Third Step—
The third most powerful step is to have a clear and bright vision of your goal. This is where most people fail. Most people get caught up in fear and worry that their goal will not be able to materialize and spend lots of wasted time holding back on their actions.
How many times have you been offered a great idea which you may have promised to do but allowed your fears to get in the way?
You must be able to hold your vision in such a way as to feed it with your own personal powerful intention that your vision will materializes money a lot faster than usual.
Many people who understand the power of holding a clear vision have gone on to make money very fast again and again. Those are the ones who deeply understood the precise way. With a little time and your deep desire you can literally suck money to you faster.
Over the years I can honestly say that I have tested all these theories and without fail they work in generating money faster than if I did not practice these methods.
These principles are not difficult but in order to understand them you must process them. You must take the time to give them some thought, until the thought becomes a part of your very being.
How to make money fast is one of the hot topics on everyone’s mind. Most people will tell you that claims of making fast money is a hokes. Those are the very people who believe that only hard work and struggle can create money. However despite the hard work, the concept of fast money is still not part of the equation. After all if you are working very hard you are unlikely to be making the sort of fast money that you would dream of.
I can tell you from first hand experience that fast money does not come through hard work. If you are marketing your business or interested in accumulating more money struggling will only kill your changes of getting money in a fast and easily way.
--The First Step--
The first think you need in order to make fast money is to have a clear goal. How much do you want? You would be so surprise at how many people want more money but don’t have a clear idea as to how much they want.
Without a clear goal your desire is just a wish, it is not concrete. Be specific about how much money you want and by when you would like to have it.
--The Second Step—
The very next step is to take inspired action. Inspired action comes from the universe as a nudge. It’s the perfect idea, job or business that will help you in getting your goal accomplished.
It makes no sense trying to do something that your neighbor or your coworker tried. What is an ideal opportunity to make fast money for them may not be ideal for you. Besides your goals are unique and the opportunities that are rightfully aligned for you are rightfully suited for you to reach your goal in the time that you desire.
--The Third Step—
The third most powerful step is to have a clear and bright vision of your goal. This is where most people fail. Most people get caught up in fear and worry that their goal will not be able to materialize and spend lots of wasted time holding back on their actions.
How many times have you been offered a great idea which you may have promised to do but allowed your fears to get in the way?
You must be able to hold your vision in such a way as to feed it with your own personal powerful intention that your vision will materializes money a lot faster than usual.
Many people who understand the power of holding a clear vision have gone on to make money very fast again and again. Those are the ones who deeply understood the precise way. With a little time and your deep desire you can literally suck money to you faster.
Over the years I can honestly say that I have tested all these theories and without fail they work in generating money faster than if I did not practice these methods.
Beware of Spyware
If your computers are in any way connected the Internet, they are being regularly bombarded with spyware, viruses, and other malware. Here are 5 easy steps you can follow to block these programs, or at least detect and remove spyware from your firm's networks and computer systems.
What are these sneaky little programs up to?
The more benign spyware and adware simply watches the pages you visit on the web so that companies can fine-tune their marketing based on profiling...
If your computers are in any way connected the Internet, they are being regularly bombarded with spyware, viruses, and other malware. Here are 5 easy steps you can follow to block these programs, or at least detect and remove spyware from your firm's networks and computer systems.
What are these sneaky little programs up to?
The more benign spyware and adware simply watches the pages you visit on the web so that companies can fine-tune their marketing based on profiling. However, malicious spyware goes beyond tracking, monitoring keystrokes, capturing passwords and other functions which pose a definite security risk to your business.
Be Careful Where You Download
Unscrupulous programs often come from unscrupulous sites. If you are looking for a freeware or shareware program for a specific purpose, try searching reputable sites like tucows.com or download.com.
Actually Read the EULA
That's an End User License Agreement. It's all of the legal mumbo-jumbo in that box above the radio buttons that say "No, I do not accept" or "Yes, I accept these terms". Most people click "yes" so fast you'd think they were playing a computer game. Keep in mind that the EULA is a legal agreement you are making with the software vendor--and you may be agreeing to install spyware or allow a variety of other changes to your system. Evaluate whether it's worth it first.
Read that Pop-Up Window
Windows that pop up on websites are sometimes useful. But sometimes clicking the button or link will start to install harmful software. Like the EULA, many users will click "yes" or "ok" without stopping to read the text just to make it go away. Maybe it said "Would you like to install our spyware program?" Ok, admittedly they don't come out and say it directly, but that is all the more reason to pause and actually read those messages before you accept.
Fight Back with Antivirus Software
Viruses are just a small part of the what you need software to protect you from. Antivirus software has expanded to include fighting worms, trojans, vulnerability exploits, jokes, hoaxes and even spyware and adware. Check that your business's antivirus system will detect and block spyware. You can try a product like AdAware Pro, which will protect your system from spyware or adware in real time.
Scan Your Networks
Even with antivirus software, firewalls and other protective measures some spyware or adware may eventually make it through the network to individual computers. While a product like AdAware Pro mentioned previously will monitor your systems in real time, your business must pay licensing fees in order to install AdAware Pro system-wide. Evaluating and using the strongest solution is worth it when you consider the IT expense of fixing systems and the time lost by employees, not to mention the frustration. However, AdAware is the free alternative for personal use provided by Lavasoft, the makers of AdAware Pro. AdAware will not monitor in real time, but you can scan your system manually to detect and remove spyware. Another excellent choice is Spybot Search & Destroy, also free.
Follow these five steps and you'll proactively protect your computers from spyware and detect and remove any harmful code that does infiltrate. Take care of it today!
What are these sneaky little programs up to?
The more benign spyware and adware simply watches the pages you visit on the web so that companies can fine-tune their marketing based on profiling...
If your computers are in any way connected the Internet, they are being regularly bombarded with spyware, viruses, and other malware. Here are 5 easy steps you can follow to block these programs, or at least detect and remove spyware from your firm's networks and computer systems.
What are these sneaky little programs up to?
The more benign spyware and adware simply watches the pages you visit on the web so that companies can fine-tune their marketing based on profiling. However, malicious spyware goes beyond tracking, monitoring keystrokes, capturing passwords and other functions which pose a definite security risk to your business.
Be Careful Where You Download
Unscrupulous programs often come from unscrupulous sites. If you are looking for a freeware or shareware program for a specific purpose, try searching reputable sites like tucows.com or download.com.
Actually Read the EULA
That's an End User License Agreement. It's all of the legal mumbo-jumbo in that box above the radio buttons that say "No, I do not accept" or "Yes, I accept these terms". Most people click "yes" so fast you'd think they were playing a computer game. Keep in mind that the EULA is a legal agreement you are making with the software vendor--and you may be agreeing to install spyware or allow a variety of other changes to your system. Evaluate whether it's worth it first.
Read that Pop-Up Window
Windows that pop up on websites are sometimes useful. But sometimes clicking the button or link will start to install harmful software. Like the EULA, many users will click "yes" or "ok" without stopping to read the text just to make it go away. Maybe it said "Would you like to install our spyware program?" Ok, admittedly they don't come out and say it directly, but that is all the more reason to pause and actually read those messages before you accept.
Fight Back with Antivirus Software
Viruses are just a small part of the what you need software to protect you from. Antivirus software has expanded to include fighting worms, trojans, vulnerability exploits, jokes, hoaxes and even spyware and adware. Check that your business's antivirus system will detect and block spyware. You can try a product like AdAware Pro, which will protect your system from spyware or adware in real time.
Scan Your Networks
Even with antivirus software, firewalls and other protective measures some spyware or adware may eventually make it through the network to individual computers. While a product like AdAware Pro mentioned previously will monitor your systems in real time, your business must pay licensing fees in order to install AdAware Pro system-wide. Evaluating and using the strongest solution is worth it when you consider the IT expense of fixing systems and the time lost by employees, not to mention the frustration. However, AdAware is the free alternative for personal use provided by Lavasoft, the makers of AdAware Pro. AdAware will not monitor in real time, but you can scan your system manually to detect and remove spyware. Another excellent choice is Spybot Search & Destroy, also free.
Follow these five steps and you'll proactively protect your computers from spyware and detect and remove any harmful code that does infiltrate. Take care of it today!
Digital cameras: can you make money out of them?
When it comes to the internet and the advancements of modern technology, the revenue generating options are truly unlimited. One way that many people are finding great success as entrepreneurs is through the use of their digital cameras and photo printers. Whether you use your digital knowledge to enter photo contests using images taken with your digital camera or choose to start an online auction business, the use of a both camera and photo printer are essential.
With entrepreneurship in mind, the following five tips may help to get you started on the road to success using nothing more than your digital camera and photo printer.
$Start an eBay business and use your digital camera to take pictures for inclusion in your auctions. If a picture is worth a thousand words, how much money will it be worth for your auction? After all, would you buy something without seeing it?
$Become an amateur photographer using your digital camera and print out the images using a realistic photo printer, which can use either black or color ink.
$Create personalized calendars by taking a photo with your digital camera, incorporating it into a calendar creation program and print them out using a photo printer. These are extremely popular at craft shows and flea markets.
$Take photos using your digital camera and incorporate them into a program that manipulates photos. You can even take two photos and merge them together. For instance, take a photo of two sunflowers and another of your two best friends. Download the images from your digital camera onto the computer and manipulate them so that the faces of your two best friends are inside of the sunflowers. Print this photo using your photo printer and use it as an example of your new digital imagery business. These, too, are extremely popular at craft shows.
$Using nothing more than a digital camera and quality photo printer, you can work in the publishing industry. Several years ago, a national magazine cover featuring a well-known celebrity was created with nothing more than a personal photo printer. The magazine office was unable to make an e-mailed image work, so they enlisted the help of a writer who enlarged the photo and printed it out using a color photo printer. The print was then mailed to the magazine’s office, who then used the image as their full-color cover picture.
When purchasing any type of electronics, including digital cameras and photo printers, always pay close attention to the warranty and make sure that you are buying a quality name in technology. Depending on your intended use, you may want to select a digital camera with a high pixel count and a photo printer capable of producing high DPI (dots per inch) images. Both will allow for better quality and more realistic photo creations.
With entrepreneurship in mind, the following five tips may help to get you started on the road to success using nothing more than your digital camera and photo printer.
$Start an eBay business and use your digital camera to take pictures for inclusion in your auctions. If a picture is worth a thousand words, how much money will it be worth for your auction? After all, would you buy something without seeing it?
$Become an amateur photographer using your digital camera and print out the images using a realistic photo printer, which can use either black or color ink.
$Create personalized calendars by taking a photo with your digital camera, incorporating it into a calendar creation program and print them out using a photo printer. These are extremely popular at craft shows and flea markets.
$Take photos using your digital camera and incorporate them into a program that manipulates photos. You can even take two photos and merge them together. For instance, take a photo of two sunflowers and another of your two best friends. Download the images from your digital camera onto the computer and manipulate them so that the faces of your two best friends are inside of the sunflowers. Print this photo using your photo printer and use it as an example of your new digital imagery business. These, too, are extremely popular at craft shows.
$Using nothing more than a digital camera and quality photo printer, you can work in the publishing industry. Several years ago, a national magazine cover featuring a well-known celebrity was created with nothing more than a personal photo printer. The magazine office was unable to make an e-mailed image work, so they enlisted the help of a writer who enlarged the photo and printed it out using a color photo printer. The print was then mailed to the magazine’s office, who then used the image as their full-color cover picture.
When purchasing any type of electronics, including digital cameras and photo printers, always pay close attention to the warranty and make sure that you are buying a quality name in technology. Depending on your intended use, you may want to select a digital camera with a high pixel count and a photo printer capable of producing high DPI (dots per inch) images. Both will allow for better quality and more realistic photo creations.
Soap operas: Are they that bad?
You have got to love soap operas. From the intricate plots and finely woven webs of deceit, to the depths of schemes, they were, are and always will be classics. They are timeless. I wrote this article as my take on them back in 1970 when filling white space for our high school paper. Watch a few soap operas for the next few days and see for yourself how closely they resemble the soap operas of 36 years ago...
And now for that thought provoking question that plagues men’s souls unceasingly through the bright shining of the day and through the untold dark depths of the night:
Why did Peter, who in reality is actually Superman, fake that he stubbed his toe on the 17th stone on the sidewalk starting at 4th and Grand instead of the 16th stone, which was bigger and more logically the victim of that invulnerable toe and why did Marlys take Sam’s advice to buy the yellow tulip instead of the red and green carnation, while all the time Rodregus knew that the curvaceous young Pandora was at the moment buying the last purple, double-breasted, duck-billed, warbling giraffe in the world for her dear departed Phillip disguised as a lowly second mate on the Queen Mary, which was under attack by the tyrant Cedric because of the terrible beating he had suffered at the hands of Radcliff whose ex-wife Natalie was actually Percival’s long lost great-great-uncle Maximillian in disguise who knew that Zigmond was fond of un-pitted olives stuffed into green grapefruit filled graciously with Granny and Gretchen’s goulash, which was gradually getting gooey and who also knew of Jennifer’s contact Louella in the deep Congo, seized at the time by the dread Gardenia, the 7th cousin of Guenivere, in hopes of receiving the eight-ounce bottle of Elmer’s Glue stored in the vast files in the cortex of Courtney’s colossal computer complex carefully compiled to correct the current curling, commonly crusading as the contagious, communicable, crystalline, cucumber crud, carried on cue sticks by crying cuckoo clock birds continuously to conform with the cunning Cornelius’ cumbersome plot to corrupt the currency and continue the crisis of the Cormandel Coast Cult, complicated by the coroner Cort’s corny connotation to conceal his consecutive coronary contractions constantly crippling his conscious efforts to contradict congenial counterparts’ careful counterfeit correspondence with Corwyn, the cosmic cosmetician?
Was it because Bill had green eyes or was it because Melissa meddled menacingly and meticulously in Maude’s plans to read the calendar to see what year she had been sent to by her superiors in the future?
Tune in tomorrow for the exciting climax created by another deep question.
And now for that thought provoking question that plagues men’s souls unceasingly through the bright shining of the day and through the untold dark depths of the night:
Why did Peter, who in reality is actually Superman, fake that he stubbed his toe on the 17th stone on the sidewalk starting at 4th and Grand instead of the 16th stone, which was bigger and more logically the victim of that invulnerable toe and why did Marlys take Sam’s advice to buy the yellow tulip instead of the red and green carnation, while all the time Rodregus knew that the curvaceous young Pandora was at the moment buying the last purple, double-breasted, duck-billed, warbling giraffe in the world for her dear departed Phillip disguised as a lowly second mate on the Queen Mary, which was under attack by the tyrant Cedric because of the terrible beating he had suffered at the hands of Radcliff whose ex-wife Natalie was actually Percival’s long lost great-great-uncle Maximillian in disguise who knew that Zigmond was fond of un-pitted olives stuffed into green grapefruit filled graciously with Granny and Gretchen’s goulash, which was gradually getting gooey and who also knew of Jennifer’s contact Louella in the deep Congo, seized at the time by the dread Gardenia, the 7th cousin of Guenivere, in hopes of receiving the eight-ounce bottle of Elmer’s Glue stored in the vast files in the cortex of Courtney’s colossal computer complex carefully compiled to correct the current curling, commonly crusading as the contagious, communicable, crystalline, cucumber crud, carried on cue sticks by crying cuckoo clock birds continuously to conform with the cunning Cornelius’ cumbersome plot to corrupt the currency and continue the crisis of the Cormandel Coast Cult, complicated by the coroner Cort’s corny connotation to conceal his consecutive coronary contractions constantly crippling his conscious efforts to contradict congenial counterparts’ careful counterfeit correspondence with Corwyn, the cosmic cosmetician?
Was it because Bill had green eyes or was it because Melissa meddled menacingly and meticulously in Maude’s plans to read the calendar to see what year she had been sent to by her superiors in the future?
Tune in tomorrow for the exciting climax created by another deep question.
Gas Prices: are they going up?
I have heard the rumblings of many of you in Readerland about the recent spike in gasoline prices. In fact it's all I seem to hear about lately. But at least it keeps you from rumbling about the infrequency of my columns and articles. Nonetheless, I have decided to try to help you get through this crisis by generously providing: 3 Ways to Combat Rising Gas Prices!
1. Don't Drive Your Car
This is, of course, the most obvious solution. If you never take the old Plymouth out the driveway, then it won't matter that at current gas prices it takes $125 to fill up the 30 gallon gas tank, or that you only get about 2.51 miles to the gallon. If you never drive, you could care less.
Of course, I know what you're going to say. "But Tim, I have places I need to go-like work. And the kids have school and soccer practice. And then there's grocery shopping and yoga lesssons and dinner at the Richardsons and blah blah blah and...." Ok, I get the point. Not everyone can sit around the house writing not-so-funny articles and searching the Internet for Drew Barrymore
photos like me. I fully understand that some of you have a life. But just because you don't drive your own car doesn't mean you can't get around. The answer?
2. Carpool
It's seems so simple now doesn't it. Instead of using your gas-Use Someone Elses! Have someone else pay $5.50 a gallon for gas to take your kids to school. Make someone else dip into their retirement fund just so they can cover the gas bill needed to get you to the office and back everyday. Make someone else get a second job so that they can have a full tank of gas in their SUV when your daughter needs to cruise the mall. It's so simple.
Of course, the concept behind carpooling is that everyone takes turns driving. So in a normal carpool situation you would eventually be required to use your car and spend your money driving others around. But this is not a Normal Carpool Situation, this is a Tim Ward Carpool Situation (TWCPS). In a TWCPS you avoid using your own car by making it so that the other carpool participants would rather walk barefoot on 120 degree asphalt than ride with you. You achieve this by:
(a) never washing or cleaning your car. Leave it looking and smelling like the county landfill.
(b) Have the worst behaved child in your family sitting in the front seat at all times. Feed the child lots of candy so he/she is always superhyper.
(c) Refuse to discuss anything in your car except your spouses bad bathing habits, bodily fluids, hang nails, chest hair, etc.
(d) Only play reggae music on the radio. Loud!
You shouldn't have to worry about anyone wanting to ride with you ever again.
3. Ride the Bus/Subway
Many cities have a mass transit system that is an alternative to driving your own vehicle. If you live in a city that doesn't have one don't worry-you can
always move. Of course, riding public transportation does have a few drawbacks, but these can be easily overcome if you follow these simple guidelines:
1. No matter what happens never, ever make eye contact with anyone. Making eye contact is an invitation for someone to mug you.
2. No matter what happens never, ever give up your seat to anyone. This is seen as weakness, and will be taken as an invitation to mug you.
3. No matter how tempted you are never, ever strike up a conversation with the person sitting next or across from you. This is very annoying and can be taken as an invitation for someone to mug you. Or worse, for someone to talk back.
4. Always make sure you are alert to get on and off at the right stop. Getting off at the wrong stop can lead to immediate mugging.
5. Never, ever take children with you on public transportation. Fellow passengers hate children. Children make you definite mug victim material.
Well, there you have it. 3 ways to deal with rising gas prices. Hopefully, you will be able to use these methods to keep from spending twice your car's Blue Book value just going to Walmart. Hopefully, next time your friends are grumbling and ranting about the mounting gas prices you will be able to
just sit back and smile, content because the issue no longer concerns you. Hopefully, I've once more helped my loyal readers in a time of crisis. And all I ask in return as a simplethank you next time you see me. Just make sure we're not on the bus. I'd hate to have to mug you...
1. Don't Drive Your Car
This is, of course, the most obvious solution. If you never take the old Plymouth out the driveway, then it won't matter that at current gas prices it takes $125 to fill up the 30 gallon gas tank, or that you only get about 2.51 miles to the gallon. If you never drive, you could care less.
Of course, I know what you're going to say. "But Tim, I have places I need to go-like work. And the kids have school and soccer practice. And then there's grocery shopping and yoga lesssons and dinner at the Richardsons and blah blah blah and...." Ok, I get the point. Not everyone can sit around the house writing not-so-funny articles and searching the Internet for Drew Barrymore
photos like me. I fully understand that some of you have a life. But just because you don't drive your own car doesn't mean you can't get around. The answer?
2. Carpool
It's seems so simple now doesn't it. Instead of using your gas-Use Someone Elses! Have someone else pay $5.50 a gallon for gas to take your kids to school. Make someone else dip into their retirement fund just so they can cover the gas bill needed to get you to the office and back everyday. Make someone else get a second job so that they can have a full tank of gas in their SUV when your daughter needs to cruise the mall. It's so simple.
Of course, the concept behind carpooling is that everyone takes turns driving. So in a normal carpool situation you would eventually be required to use your car and spend your money driving others around. But this is not a Normal Carpool Situation, this is a Tim Ward Carpool Situation (TWCPS). In a TWCPS you avoid using your own car by making it so that the other carpool participants would rather walk barefoot on 120 degree asphalt than ride with you. You achieve this by:
(a) never washing or cleaning your car. Leave it looking and smelling like the county landfill.
(b) Have the worst behaved child in your family sitting in the front seat at all times. Feed the child lots of candy so he/she is always superhyper.
(c) Refuse to discuss anything in your car except your spouses bad bathing habits, bodily fluids, hang nails, chest hair, etc.
(d) Only play reggae music on the radio. Loud!
You shouldn't have to worry about anyone wanting to ride with you ever again.
3. Ride the Bus/Subway
Many cities have a mass transit system that is an alternative to driving your own vehicle. If you live in a city that doesn't have one don't worry-you can
always move. Of course, riding public transportation does have a few drawbacks, but these can be easily overcome if you follow these simple guidelines:
1. No matter what happens never, ever make eye contact with anyone. Making eye contact is an invitation for someone to mug you.
2. No matter what happens never, ever give up your seat to anyone. This is seen as weakness, and will be taken as an invitation to mug you.
3. No matter how tempted you are never, ever strike up a conversation with the person sitting next or across from you. This is very annoying and can be taken as an invitation for someone to mug you. Or worse, for someone to talk back.
4. Always make sure you are alert to get on and off at the right stop. Getting off at the wrong stop can lead to immediate mugging.
5. Never, ever take children with you on public transportation. Fellow passengers hate children. Children make you definite mug victim material.
Well, there you have it. 3 ways to deal with rising gas prices. Hopefully, you will be able to use these methods to keep from spending twice your car's Blue Book value just going to Walmart. Hopefully, next time your friends are grumbling and ranting about the mounting gas prices you will be able to
just sit back and smile, content because the issue no longer concerns you. Hopefully, I've once more helped my loyal readers in a time of crisis. And all I ask in return as a simplethank you next time you see me. Just make sure we're not on the bus. I'd hate to have to mug you...
5 Reasons Why You Should Quit Your Day Job
Most of us would stop working if we could. We constantly dream about it, but that's about as far as we get-dreaming. Working a 9-5 just seems inevitable. I, Timothy Ward, however am a master at defying the inevitable. I stare 'The Inevitable' in the face and call him dirty names. I say, if you want to stop working, STOP WORKING; I'll even give you 5 reasons why you should.
1. If you stop working you'll have more time to devote to reading my articles, columns, and lists. This will enable me to become a household name down at the Unemployment and Welfare offices. My fame is a small price to pay for you living your dreams. Think about this when you see me on the 'Today Show'.
2. Quitting your job will make you feel wonderful. For about 10 minutes you'll be on cloud nine, you'll be on top of the world, you'll be living the good life, you'll be: -insert your own cliche here-. Then you'll start worrying about the car note, the mortgage, the kid's school clothes, groceries, and how you're going to pay that $850 you owe the Petermanns for running over their mailbox and a whole row of prize-winning azaleas. All this will probably depress you to the point of assisted suicide, but at least you had 10 minutes of freedom.
3. Daytime television is some of the most exciting and captivating television around. You'll wonder how you ever survived without all those quality soap operas, daytime talk shows, and judge shows where you get the sinking suspicion that the judge has been paid off. When you combine this with all the informative commercials that air during the daytime that will 'Show you how to make $1,000 a day stuffing envelopes, 'Teach you to drive a tractor trailer in 4 days', 'Allow you to get a degree from home in such exciting fields as GED preparation and septic tank scrubber' and you'll not only wonder why you didn't quit your job sooner, you'll also vow to never work again.
4. In your formerly employed state you missed all those important calls from collection agencies and other bill collectors. Now that you have quit your job you'll be able to sit at home in eager anticipation of these oh-so-important calls. Toss in a few telemarketers, calls from the Sheriff's Association asking for donations, and a few of those computers that call you and ask you to 'Hold for an important message' and you'll have a full day of just answering the phone. It will be like having a full-time job all over again, without all the hassle of getting a paycheck.
5. Dragging yourself out of bed every morning at 5:45 a.m. can't be good for your health. Your doctor will proud of you for caring enough about your body's well-being to go as far as quitting your job. He will not, however, see you as a patient anymore because you no longer have health insurance. But there's no need to worry, after all that's why we have free clinics. Sitting all day in a damp clinic waiting room next to two teenagers with stage 3 Chlamydia is yet another experience you would have missed out on if you had kept your day job.
There you have it folks. 5 reasons why you should immediately go out and quit your job. Feel free to quote any of these reasons to your employer when you turn in your two weeks notice. If she wants to know where you came across such valuable information tell her that a unselfish friend of humanity supplied them to you free of charge, and all I asked in return was that you remember me next time you need your septic tank scrubbed...
1. If you stop working you'll have more time to devote to reading my articles, columns, and lists. This will enable me to become a household name down at the Unemployment and Welfare offices. My fame is a small price to pay for you living your dreams. Think about this when you see me on the 'Today Show'.
2. Quitting your job will make you feel wonderful. For about 10 minutes you'll be on cloud nine, you'll be on top of the world, you'll be living the good life, you'll be: -insert your own cliche here-. Then you'll start worrying about the car note, the mortgage, the kid's school clothes, groceries, and how you're going to pay that $850 you owe the Petermanns for running over their mailbox and a whole row of prize-winning azaleas. All this will probably depress you to the point of assisted suicide, but at least you had 10 minutes of freedom.
3. Daytime television is some of the most exciting and captivating television around. You'll wonder how you ever survived without all those quality soap operas, daytime talk shows, and judge shows where you get the sinking suspicion that the judge has been paid off. When you combine this with all the informative commercials that air during the daytime that will 'Show you how to make $1,000 a day stuffing envelopes, 'Teach you to drive a tractor trailer in 4 days', 'Allow you to get a degree from home in such exciting fields as GED preparation and septic tank scrubber' and you'll not only wonder why you didn't quit your job sooner, you'll also vow to never work again.
4. In your formerly employed state you missed all those important calls from collection agencies and other bill collectors. Now that you have quit your job you'll be able to sit at home in eager anticipation of these oh-so-important calls. Toss in a few telemarketers, calls from the Sheriff's Association asking for donations, and a few of those computers that call you and ask you to 'Hold for an important message' and you'll have a full day of just answering the phone. It will be like having a full-time job all over again, without all the hassle of getting a paycheck.
5. Dragging yourself out of bed every morning at 5:45 a.m. can't be good for your health. Your doctor will proud of you for caring enough about your body's well-being to go as far as quitting your job. He will not, however, see you as a patient anymore because you no longer have health insurance. But there's no need to worry, after all that's why we have free clinics. Sitting all day in a damp clinic waiting room next to two teenagers with stage 3 Chlamydia is yet another experience you would have missed out on if you had kept your day job.
There you have it folks. 5 reasons why you should immediately go out and quit your job. Feel free to quote any of these reasons to your employer when you turn in your two weeks notice. If she wants to know where you came across such valuable information tell her that a unselfish friend of humanity supplied them to you free of charge, and all I asked in return was that you remember me next time you need your septic tank scrubbed...
2 Secrets To A Better Future
The Motivating Lives newsletter will guide you to a more fulfilling and prosperous life.
Stop for just a second, take a look around you and ask yourself if this is the quality of life you were hoping for. If you answered “No”, then my question to you is “why not?” “What are you doing to change your life?” Most people who have been asked what they’ve done to change their lives say “it’s no use because…..” and so it goes…. excuses.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. The first step in getting out of the rut is to stop making excuses and assume responsibility for the quality of your life. You can change your life situation today. How do I know? I know because others have done it. There will always be obstacles, but none that can’t be overcome. The only requirement is the desire to change. Mark Twain once said “It's not the size of the dog in the fight; it's the size of the fight in the dog.” If your “want to” is strong enough, you can achieve almost anything you set your mind to.
The second step to getting out of the rut is step out in faith and, as the Nike commercial says, “Just do it”. There is no time like the present to change course. You might not succeed the first time, but you must keep trying. Success will come with persistence. Remember the old saying “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.” Don’t worry about making a mistake. Albert Einstein once said “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”
So step out. Take a chance, and as William Durant, the founder of General Motors said “Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you're going to do now and do it.”
Stop for just a second, take a look around you and ask yourself if this is the quality of life you were hoping for. If you answered “No”, then my question to you is “why not?” “What are you doing to change your life?” Most people who have been asked what they’ve done to change their lives say “it’s no use because…..” and so it goes…. excuses.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. The first step in getting out of the rut is to stop making excuses and assume responsibility for the quality of your life. You can change your life situation today. How do I know? I know because others have done it. There will always be obstacles, but none that can’t be overcome. The only requirement is the desire to change. Mark Twain once said “It's not the size of the dog in the fight; it's the size of the fight in the dog.” If your “want to” is strong enough, you can achieve almost anything you set your mind to.
The second step to getting out of the rut is step out in faith and, as the Nike commercial says, “Just do it”. There is no time like the present to change course. You might not succeed the first time, but you must keep trying. Success will come with persistence. Remember the old saying “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.” Don’t worry about making a mistake. Albert Einstein once said “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”
So step out. Take a chance, and as William Durant, the founder of General Motors said “Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you're going to do now and do it.”
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